I tried it....almost got killed by a duck hunter.

Agreed... Fart-X would become a deadly projectile...something akin to a rocket propelled grenade.

Oooops!  I shouldn't have said that!!  Now NASA will want to come experiment with my colon coughs to see if they're capable of launching the shuttle.

Don't get me wrong, I've always wanted to be a part of the space program, and it'd be a privelege to help out, but I saw myself more as an 'out there' kinda guy than being stuck on the ground with head down and bum up.

 

No need. NASA is looking into a new deep space project called......Deep Space 2......Deep Space 1 is still going after a few bumps in the road. That one has several experimental packages aboard that include the world's first operational ion propulsion system. Deep Space 2 has a new and improved version that supposedly will attain 87.254673245 percent light speed. What is needed is a revolutionary fuel source capable of boosting the spacecraft to 87.254673245 percent of the speed of light. I suggest starkers that you VERY... VERY... carefully box up inside a depleted uranium solid ball of duranium X-237.5 about 3.73579 cm wide x 67.245624 cm deep x 183.43758 cm tall surrounded by a stasis field not to exceed 4,000 mega-joules (just to play it safe. Don't want the guys over at nasa to get the heebee-jeebies)and enclose within a seventh magnitude (relatively benign) starkerbark. Oh...and make sure you get PBD (paid before delivery). This way in case the stasis field fails you'll have the bucks and nasa gets a free ride out to Beta Carinae. Unfortunately it'll be a one way trip.

You would do that to an innocent alien culture?  Instant planetary pollution.  Maybe it's happened before.  You know they always show those aliens with squnted eyes and no noses.

SCUBA: Starker's created uber barkers apperatus.  Just incase he lands on a water planet.

Did something blow up?? Did a starkerbark get loose? Where is everybody. Just curious.

Butt...being in Oz, wouldn't that be head "up" and butt "down"? See...if you do it your way, this is the probable result:

 This is far more than an Episto(colonic)mological concern, Cap'n!

Take a look ^ above, Ed. Serious problems no matter what. One way or the other, someone's S.O.L., so to speak.

It's Starkers adding an atmosphere to the moon that no human will be able to breath.

The idea is to pollute the moon so's aliens don't set up a base fron which to attack Earth.  By creating a putrid atmosphere as thick as molasses I hope to ruin their plans and offset their offensive.

With a bit of luck the curried cabbage gas will nuetralise and moon's new atmosphere will be breathable in about a 1000 years... by which time mankind will have alternative means of defending Earth, and the moon will have become a holiday destination... except for bankers. company execs, lawyers and politicians.

What if they are from the planet Bok Choy?

Hadn't thought of that!

Oh well, in that case, then, I'll concoct a special starkerbark using curried cabbage, onion, baked beans and boiled eggs... with a decent helping of fermented corn for good measure. That oughta do it.

I'd say a few pints of stout/brown ale or lager as well... but I gave up drinking.  Then again, if I'm gonna be the saviour of the human race, sacrifices might have to be made.  I could always quit again once I've repelled the Bok Choyians.

The Bok Choyians sent a missive via the Secretary of Non-Defense complaining about the greenish/brown haze drifting over their Capital cupola. Prime Sleaze Ignatious Stinkerupp says it is the first time the fragrance graced his sty. He wants to know if starkers takes requests.

Nope... barking on request is not my bag!  I do however, bark upon command when I see a situation deserving a rip snorting special... like in an elevator full of bankers.

Oh, and Pirme Sleaze Ignatious Stinkrupp only thinks that bark was fragrant because I sweetened it ... had me some strawberry cheesecake for dessert the night before.

Next time I'll ensure he thinks it's odiously abominable adding to my curried cabbage a plate of oysters sauteed in brown ale for a few days. That oughta do it.

Careful there.  Sometimes those oysters go right through, and you wouldn't want a lump in the back of your Super Starkersbarkers leotard.